Mother’s Day: Being a mum during Covid-19

We talked to Sophia, a mum of three girls: N (aged 16), J (aged 9) and L (aged 3), who has been supported by St Vincent’s Family Project (SVFP) throughout the pandemic, about what life has been like as a mum over the past year and what she is looking forward to once the pandemic is over.

How has Covid-19 made being a mum different from the previous year?

The first word that comes to mind is ‘intense’. Online schooling meant all the girls had to change their routines, and as a parent I had to be responsible for them logging on and doing the work etc. Before lockdown I had one-to-one time with L, but during the pandemic I found myself spread thinly trying to meet all their needs.

Having children of different age ranges was difficult: my teenager wanted space, the toddler wanted to be doing things and then I had to make sure I gave time to the middle child too.

The SVFP sessions were really important for L because small children get agitated without social interaction and lose out on their development. It feels like a whole year of development has been lost.

My 16-year-old’s education was really disrupted. She missed out on celebrating end of term after her GCSEs and her Beauty college course has been very slow because she can’t work on practical things. She has found studying in an overcrowded flat difficult because she is living with an active toddler. It has been a very de-motivating year for teenagers who have been left uncertain about their future.

What has been the worst thing about the pandemic for you?

The intensity has put a strain on relationships, particularly with N. Before, we both could have gone out to cool off or get support from our networks.

We have found it difficult to deal with each other’s flaws. Before you could let things go, but being together 24/7, small imperfections become major. Also just feeling responsible for all the relationships is hard.

I have autoimmunity problems and caught Covid-19. That was very hard and the recovery was painful.

What positives have there been from this year?

Me and my eldest went to such a dark place this year but have now come out. I have learnt to value the time I have had with my children and got to know them better than I would have. Before they would spend hours at school, and with feeding and sleeping etc, we didn’t have as much time together.

Especially with N, before the pandemic I thought she didn’t need me as much, but I now realise she does need me still a bit.

How have you coped during this time?

Particularly at the beginning, I was able to do some cycling. I really appreciated the one hour of exercise outdoors.

Finding out how funny my children are and really seeing their different personalities has been enjoyable.

SVFP’s support; just getting a call from staff to ask how I am was nice and helped me to ground myself. Having the WhatsApp group and doing sessions such as baking has been great

What are you most looking forward to when the pandemic is over?

Being able to go on outings. Before I would have taken trips with girls, say to London Zoo, for granted. I want to be able to take them to see more places. Doing the small things like going for a hot chocolate with them and walking through the parks

What will you be doing on Mothers’ Day?

If my kids make me a cup of tea and toast, that would be great! But I have come to think more about my responsibility for loving myself. I have to do things to make myself happy. I might have a workout in the morning. Maybe do something Italian for dinner, like Spaghetti Bolognese or Lasagne.